7 Habits of Highly Effective Quitters
1. Don’t Even Start
The best quitters never even start. After all the best way to quit is to quit before you even start. That way you leave no question about things. If you don’t start anything, you’ll have so much more room for other activities! Seriously, the more time you waste on doing something or pursuing something you want, the less time you have for important activities like quitting projects, complaining and generally talking about how lame it is that nothing ever works out.
2. Get Really Good At Explaining Your Excuses
Now, if you’re really unfortunate, you might have some friends who want you to make yourself better.
Work on your quick draw. Have at least 5 really great excuses ready for why you didn’t start.
- I’m tired.
- It’s hard.
- It’s complicated
- It’d easy
- You don’t understaaannnnnnnd (best one ever)
Remember, use the last one only in emergencies. Or every single time you’re questioned. Either way. Unstoppable. Win!
Another stellar option is any time someone does something they’re proud of quickly dismiss this with a flip “I could totally do that”, quickly followed up by a short list of totally legitimate reasons why it’s not worth your time because you’re better than them.
It simultaneously lets you be egotistical, diminish others accomplishments without making you actually have to do anything. 3 birds. 1 stone. Boom.
3. Believe Your Own Stories
It’s not enough to convince others about your excuses. You need to sell it to yourself.
COMMIT TO IT
You know how Christian Bale lost 60+ pounds to be in the Machinist? You need to do that. Become the person you need to be in order to sell yourself on your inability.
Forget all of your natural talents, abilities and potential if you actually applied yourself. Focus on the obstacles and convince yourself how hard you specifically have it.
Remember, the key to this is maintaining a vacuum. Here’s a few tips.
- Believe the world revolves around you and your happiness. If you do, life will make more sense and you can become more easily outraged at the fact that traffic doesn’t stop when you need it to and that the billions of people for some strange reason aren’t acting with your specific intersts in mind. For some reason they’re not considering YOUR NEEDS while going about their 7 billion other lives. WTF?
- Do your best to forget the fact that you have more opportunity and technology available to you than 90% of the world and pretty much all of human history.
Remember, your life is hard because
- you don’t know what terms to google to figure out just about anything you could want to learn.
- the gym is like, at least, ten minutes away from your house.
- people might look at you weird if you try something different
- flying around the world takes all of 12 hours.
- candy bars are really tempting.
Life. Is. Rough.
Stay away from news about wars, poverty and other basic things like water oreducation that other people struggle with on a day to day basis . Those might tempt you to think that your definition of “hard” might be slightly relative.
Remember, this is about all about you. Whatever you do, remember that it doesn’t matter how thin the pretense for your excuse is. If you believe it to your core – it doesn’t matter if others believe you or not. You’ve already won.
4. Make Sure To Tell Others
It’s not good enough for you to quit. There’s strength in numbers so make sure to spread it around. Surround yourself with other quitters.
Hopefully, these are people who are well practiced in the art of giving up before they ever started.
If you’ve got friends who are actually trying to do something, be sure to tell them them to give up as soon as possible. Encourage them to quit quit and remind them of how hard it is. Focus on why they can’t do it and why the idea is dumb and the other countless reasons why action is pointless. Offer unsolicited advice about why it’s impossible.
If you can make them discouraged, you’ve got a good chance.
The louder you are, the better. If you have a whiney voice – practice it in the mirror. It will let people know that your reasons are really serious and emotional. Bonus points if you throw in: “I used to think that too but then I became [smarter/faster/older/wiser/better] than to believe such things. Condescending sneers are encouraged.
5. Spend Lots of Time Consuming
Every once in a while you might feel like doing something yourself.
Screw that (see item #1).
Never create anything yourself. This is a gateway drug. If you do this, you might create more things, find that they’re useful and get addicted to making things and impressing your will upon the world.
Fill any and all free time with mindless activities. Ideally these include Netflix, Reality TV, Celebrity Gossip, Video Games, YouTube videos and Cat GIFs.
Whatever you can do to numb your mind – do it.
If you feel the need to satisfy doing something, here’s a quick fix.
- Don’t do it (this is important).
- Google “person doing X activity”
- Find a website/youtube channel or other outlet of some person doing X activity.
- Read & Watch everything they’ve ever written. Once you’ve gone through all their content, go through it again.
- Breathe & Relax. You’ve successfully avoided the temptation to do something yourself. You’ll notice the dopamine start to fill your brain as you reassure yourself that, “I’m reading about people doing cool things – so I get partial credit for doing them myself.”
6. Never Try Anything New
Pick one language in one town and one thing and stick to it. Go on vacation one time a year – hopefully on a cruise so you can go to a lot of different coutnries but still experience all-you-can-eat-buffets, casinos and ‘MURICA! while never getting off the boat.
If you start to think about doing something new: immediately pre-disqualify yourself (use imaginary reasons if necessary). These new ideas are dangerous and if let them progress too far, they may lead to action. Don’t let this happen (again, see rule #1).
7. Be Really Defensive
No one has the right to challenge you. No one.
They don’t know what you’ve been through and they’re not you – so how dare they try and challenge you to change something and do it better?
It doesn’t matter if they have a good point, a different point of view or other experiences that might be beneficial to you in some way/shape/form and it especially doesn’t matter if they care about your or not.
Don’t try to listen. Instead defend your status quo to the death. It can’t get here fast enough!
Be as easily offended as possible. That way everyone will know you’re right by how outraged you get. Never even consider thinking about another point of view. That will make other people think that you think you’re wrong – which you never could be. No one can understand your unique position in life, but through sheer cunning and ingenuity, you understand everything perfectly and can dissect world problems with surgeon-like precision.
Remember: your rightness is directly correlated with how angry you can get.
If possible, avoid any actual discussion as much as possible. Better yet, if you’ve done your homework on step #4, you should be surrounded only by people who only approve of your current lack of activities – that way you never have to question yourself.
If you do this right, you’ll never even even have to interact with any of these “offensive” people, but you’ll always feel like you’re being actively persecuted by them (so you get the best of both worlds!).
Above all, remember that anytime you come to a crossroads, just quit. It’s the easiest thing in the world – and after all – life is about making things easy. I mean seriously, if it’s hard, that must mean it’s probably not worth doing.
And remember: the easy choice is always the right choice. Always.
Or…you could suck it up, decide that what you want is worthwhile, realize your excuses suck and that it’s not all about you, decide to do the hard stuff anyways, put your head down, persevere and go for it….but that sounds way too hard.